This has been in my heart, and please indulge me if I write it in this semi-public space.
I am adamant in setting this post to 'public' for the rest of the world to see, because I am afraid I may find more ridicule than what's necessary. I don't wish to be burned on the stake.
Let's talk about gender equality. There, I said it. But what do we even mean by gender 'equality'?
Today, I received a feedback from a lady about the study groups I've been hosting at Meaningful Conversations. She noticed that these were mostly attended by all "dudes", and that she would like to join the Zoom meetings but she prefers ones that has all women in it, or ones that has the equal ratio of men and women.
I sat with the dilemma, receiving the participants of these conversations that I have opened to the public are beyond my control.
We talk about philosophy and meaning, lectures that are on YouTube (mostly male dominated), extended to the community at the Discord server (mostly male dominated), and hosted on Facebook (perhaps a more balanced ratio), and conducted through Zoom -- people who have the interest, are invested, and committed, show up and are received in the room with decorum. And that is, regardless of race, age, and gender.
The invitation has been: come as your are comfortable, be open & curious, take personal responsibility of your experience, and enjoy the flow. So far, we've had ZERO misdemeanor in the containers and ZERO incidents of people getting kicked out.
I will not kick people out or cap the conversations because there are more men than women, or there is little diversity in color, or there isn't enough representation from different walks of life.
If I'm being honest, I just can't. I don't have the bandwidth to curate the attendees and tick off the "diversity" checklist. The rooms are attended by people who are interested with the topic, and are committed to participate. Regardless of who they are and where they are coming from.
This should be easy. It's a no-brainer. The feedback should have just been left in the drawing board, maybe in the backburner, or maybe just left ignored.
But if I'm being honest, it struck a chord within me. Part of the feedback she mentioned, "As a female, I can tell you that it's not appealing for me to join a big group of guys talking to one girl."
It shook me. Indeed, I noticed that my recent conversations have had only one woman in the room, and that's me, the host.
I almost believed the comment as truth, and that there was a problem that needs to be fixed. All of a sudden, I felt small, insufficient, and that I wasn't in the right place to be around all of these intelligent men, philosophizing about the awakenings in life and the crisis of meaning. I could have let myself be swallowed in self-pity and victimhood as I see my self-esteem crash.
I reached out to hear advice from the friends I trust, in need of validation. Or just to be heard. It took some coaxing and self-love to correct the statement as false.
There are not a bunch of men talking to one woman.
The study groups that I have hosted didn't have men talking to me.
Instead, there are men, and (a) woman talking about ideas. We were having a meaningful conversation with the group and not just one individual (unless if the comment is addressed in reference to the individual).
If I'm being honest, I even forget that I am a woman in the conversations. I felt empowered as an individual who can talk and see eye to eye with all these intelligent human beings. I admire and am very grateful that my group treated me as their equal (regardless of my gender). We've built this self-organized learning unit, together as we harnessed our collective intelligence.
There's not a bunch of guys talking to one girl. It's a bunch of people having a conversation about a topic. I don't want to sound politically correct nor virtuous. It is what it is.
And so I stand firm in my belief that perhaps 'equality' means that there is equal opportunity regardless of your chromosomes, your skin color, and your age. I will not tick the diversity checklist.
And besides, topics are based on interests. I've had study group discussions in the past with women in it, and it's also been as lovely. I do agree that there are different energies and dynamics being brought to the discussion when there's more diversity and it's a gift to be had. And I use the word 'gift', because it's something that I would not try to forcefully claim nor create artificially.
Screenshot#1: Awakening from the Meaning Crisis Study Group
Screenshot#2: The Denial of Death Study Group
The two separate topics/study groups may speak of the interest it does garner if we may base it on gender. I guess what I'm trying to say for writing this is that: it can be so easy to fall under the trap of wanting representation for the minority. And it may come with good intentions.
But it can also potentially come at a cost for the ones who are already putting in the work, investment, and personal responsibility (especially when it can turn out to be a zero-sum game).
Let's try not to restrict people by the guise of political correctness and diversity and see people for who they are and treat them as they deserve, of respect and equal opportunity, when available.
This post was originally published in my personal Facebook profile on September 14, 2020.